Butt booty butt naked...

Dang...maybe I just need to pray...I dunno...I keep coming at God with scarves, shoes, shirts, and sometimes with a whole outfit on...when he clearly sees me as butt booty butt naked...nothing on... so why do I keep coming at him as though he can't see through my outfits...then I have the nerve to spice up the outfits with accessories...fool I am. Why do we always come to God like he can't see through us...some of us pray to God while still lying...My hand is raised. I'm not perfect never claimed to be...I'm a sinner...I admit that. I'm so so trying to get right...quickly giving up the things that mean nothing to me, but I have a hard time giving up the things that it seems as though I can't live without. Like money...I'm plain pitiful broke...If my light bill is $80 and I only made $100 and if I paid my light bill [because I have to pay my light bill] that means that I will only have $20 and if I give God 10% of what I made then I'm giving him 50% of what I have left and of course Imma have to spend that last ten on a necessity like my child's food...ugh...and I have to pay tithes??? Yep...I like to hold on to my money...Say I'm going to hell...already told you that hell is on earth...See the people that claim to pay tithes a lot of them have money...I know from experience...I'm not a cheerful giver, but a prayerful giver....when I do give God my last, I'm quick to remind him and let him know that I'm giving my last and I hope that he can increase what's nothin in my pocket...I know, I know, that's wrong...but God's sees me butt booty butt naked...he knows my heart and my situation...judge me and you shall be judged by the same measure...but I could care less if you judged me...have too much shit in my ears to hear your bullshit...so I don't give two fucks...or three. ugh...like I said, maybe I should pray right now...kinda screwed up right now...but unlike a lot of people...I can admit that I have a problem...be butt booty butt naked and not ashamed...peace

Thong and fishnets...

I am so on my hussle mode right now...it's super early in the morning and I'm on it...I have a son to take care of...like a prostitute, I'm all about money right now...It's a damn shame that you need money to survive in this world...need a better job so I can make better money...let me put on my thong and fishnets [figuratively speaking]...let me do what I gotta do to not just get by, but to get better...Son, we gone be alright, cause you have a beast for a mama...sit back...let mama handle this...eat as much as you want, wear whatever name brand clothes you prefer...mama got this. Lol...think I'm crazy!!! Life ain't hard!!! Ain't never been hard!!! It's always what I've made it to be...Imma make it easier for us. Enough talking to ya'll...ya'll interfering with my money...peace

Pantiless...

As often as I change my panties everyday, I take the time to reflect over my life. Ahhh...today's reflection...I'm happy. I'm tired as fuck, but I'm happy. Got my hair done...I feel great!!! Anyways from the materialistic type things...I went and got my drug test from my job...of course I passed...getting ready to start work...Things are looking up for me...I know not to every get my hopes up too high in this world...then again maybe I should because tomorrow is never promised...anyways...I really didn't feel like blogging but I just wanted to check in with you guys...I gotta go now...Imma tend to my hubbie tonight :) *wink*

Shirtless...

Just sitting here reflecting on the things that happened yesterday...I'm not just a 'baby mama', 'a crazy b*tch', 'a liar', 'a cheater', 'a fighter', 'a survivor', I'm a mother that will do anything to give my son a better life. If that makes me all these things...let me take my shirt off...now whip me... [back to reflecting] I was so close to getting a good job then the man who seed I beared walked up...told them not to hire me...he whipped me...I never asked him to take care of my son...I can do this by myself...now he takes the opportunity for me to take care of my son away from me!!!...he whipped me...and for the first time he made tears fall...for the first time I let him witness my soul being naked...I'm tough, but I just let him find my weakness...my son...my son is my heart...physically my head was held high, but in spirit...I was headless...I let him see me naked...Then he whipped me...I let him see my heart...shirtless...then he whipped me...let him see the waters that flow from my eyes in privacy...and he whipped me...DAMN...but the God I serve came and clothed me...left that place with nothing...nothing but faith, hope, and a lil prayer that i spoke as i walked out them doors...God set my spirit in the backseat of my car...told me to put on my seatbelt as he drove my car...drove me to a place and told me to get out...told me to leave my pride outside...walked in...told me the words to say...now I have a job...with better pay...Thank you lord...

A slave's speech...

With their lips they need not say nothing...for they cursed me with their eyes, beat me with their hands, kicked me with their feet, and raped me with their soul...If they were to open their mouth, there'd be no job for it...for their actions have taken everything of me...I have nothing left but a hint of hope, faith, and prayer...but now I feel as though they have left me astray too...They say stand, but how can I stand when my legs have failed me...then the smart ones say since I'm already down, then I'm in the position to pray, but how can I pray when my soul and mind has been tampered with...I know not my needs anymore...I don't want to be a survivor...wouldn't it be the smarter to just quit...to just let myself go...to take my own life...cause it's been taken away from me anyway...then the religious ones say Imma go to hell if I do that...is hell not on earth??? My faith is becoming smaller than a mustard seed...so what do I do now...my mountains are too big and my faith is too small...I pray God please take me away...and now he answer's me not...can't hear his voice either...has he become one of the tight-lipped people too???...
What have I done to myself???
They have cursed me with their eyes, beat me with their hands, kicked me with their feet, and raped me with their soul...but I'm still here...that's proof enough that God is not tight-lipped...that's proof enough that I can not be defeated...it's impossible...Let them keep their mouth closed, cause with my lips I bear power...I can't take my own life because it's not mine to take...gave my life to God a long time ago...my legs have failed me, but my knees have not...my mind and soul has been tampered with, but my moans have not...that's the best way to pray...enemies can't decipher my tongue...My faith has become small, but nonetheless, I have faith and faith grows...I can't hear God's voice anymore because his voice has become mine...I know not my own needs, but God knows me better than I do...
I am a slave
This is my speech
My slave master is me...
Set me free...